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God’s Favorite Real Estate Agents: Smotrich, Ben Gvir, and the Holy Land Realty Circus

 


Forget Wall Street. Forget Silicon Valley. The hottest property market today is Occupied Palestine, where homes are not sold with contracts but sanctified with bulldozers, blessings, and bullets.

The chief brokers are well known: Bezalel Smotrich, Israel’s Finance Minister, and Itamar Ben Gvir, its National Security Minister. Smotrich doesn’t bother with diplomacy anymore. He boasts that 3,400 new settlement units will “bury” Palestinian statehood. That’s not zoning — that’s divine grave-digging. Ben Gvir, meanwhile, provides the “Home Security Package,” arming settlers like crusader knights on hilltop fortresses and declaring it holy work.

All of this would be bad enough if it were just Israeli extremists playing God’s real estate agents. But then came the shocker — the endorsement from the world’s highest court.

Enter Judge Julia Sebutinde: a Ugandan jurist, the first African woman to sit on the International Court of Justice (ICJ), today its Vice-President, and briefly Acting President. In August 2025, from a church pulpit in Kampala, she announced with breathtaking candor:

“The Lord is counting on me to stand on the side of Israel. I want to be on the right side of history.”

And just like that, the mask slipped. The ICJ — the supposed temple of law and evidence — suddenly sounded like another branch office of “Holy Land Realty.” The Court of Justice became a chapel, the robe a vestment, and the legal gavel a pulpit microphone.

This was no idle remark. Earlier in 2024, Sebutinde had already stood out as the only judge to vote against all six provisional measures in the ICJ’s genocide case brought by South Africa — including even the call for Israel to allow humanitarian aid into Gaza. Now, her public statement made the theology behind her jurisprudence plain: this was not about law, but about a higher “calling.”

This is the turning point. Because when judges start speaking like Smotrich and Ben Gvir, the danger  no longer confined to bulldozed villages or armed settlers. It seeps into international law itself — transforming genocide hearings into sermons, and provisional measures into prophecy.



🔑 Featured Listings from “Holy Land Realty”

🏡 Hilltop Paradise Villas — Ma’ale Adumim Extension

  • Price: One Palestinian community displaced.
  • Amenities: Panoramic views of ruins, olive tree removal service, round-the-clock military guard.

🏘️ Divine Valley Estates — E-1 Corridor Special

  • Strategic location: Cuts the West Bank in half.
  • Bonus: Erases Palestinian territorial continuity forever.
  • Financing: Subsidized abroad, sanctified at home.

🏠 Gaza Strip “Open Air Penthouse”

  • Fully cleared neighborhood — tenants evicted by force.
  • Utilities: Food, water, and electricity sold separately.
  • Marketing tagline: “Luxury living, famine included.”


The genius of this cartel is not in its settlements, but in its sanctification. Smotrich and Ben Gvir sell prophecy as property. And when Sebutinde’s words echoed from Kampala — that God himself counts on her to side with Israel — it showed just how far the sanctification has spread: from Israel’s cabinet table to The Hague’s marble bench.



So the next time you hear about “new housing units” or “legal proceedings,” don’t be fooled by the language. What’s being sold is not real estate, not justice, not history — but the divine deed to someone else’s land, stamped by ministers, judges, and bulldozers alike.

Holy Land Realty™: Where every home comes with a heavenly promise — and a demolition order on earth.



📚 References

  • Amos Harel, “Only Netanyahu Benefits as Israeli Watchdog Clashes With Former IDF Chief,” Haaretz, Aug 15, 2025.
  • Quds News Network, “ICJ Vice President: ‘The Lord is counting on me to stand on the side of Israel, right side of history’”, Aug 2025.
  • 5Pillars, “ICJ’s Vice President: ‘The Lord is counting on me to stand with Israel’”, Aug 15, 2025.
  • International Court of Justice, Press Release No. 2024/2, Jan 26, 2024 – Application of the Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide in the Gaza Strip (South Africa v. Israel).
  • Wikipedia, Julia Sebutinde, updated Aug 2025.
  • Public statements by Bezalel Smotrich on settlement expansion (E-1, 2025).
  • Statements by Itamar Ben Gvir on settler arming and Al-Aqsa policy (2023–2025).


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